Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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