umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize