I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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