i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
