Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
