mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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