I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
