had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
