she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
