omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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