I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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