And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can text with my tongue
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
