im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
