If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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