i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
