Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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