So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
