hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
