it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
