i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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