Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
