They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
