I'm going to jail i love you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
