I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The adults are the big ones right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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