mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
