He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
