She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
