yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
