dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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