dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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