he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
