She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
