At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
