It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I forget how to act sober
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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