I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
