About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize