You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry about my life...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
