I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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