Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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