Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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