he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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