so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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