mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
