My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
