the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
