It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
