You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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