He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
