i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize