the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
