1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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