I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize