Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
