Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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