I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
