These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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