Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
