We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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