We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
