It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You pole danced in your parka.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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