the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
