my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
