so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
