I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize