I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
