like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
