I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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