my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
